What is the connection between entering the sea and entering a conversation?
Imagine a situation where you’re at the beach on a hot summer day, heading to cool off in the sea. What you’ll notice is that there are two types of people: those who dive in quickly, headfirst, and those who enter slowly, easing into the shallow water.
Oversharing is an English term that refers to excessively sharing personal information and/or stories in a conversation with others, which later leads to feelings of shame, regret, or even anger towards oneself for “blabbering” again. It can also harm relationships and/or hurt the other person.
It’s like when you dive into the sea and splash someone who’s slowly entering.
Do you often find yourself saying something that you later regret?
Do you struggle with small talk and catch yourself telling people your darkest secrets?
Do you feel pressure to say what’s on your mind immediately, only to end up saying something you don’t actually mean?
This is called oversharing.
As a consequence of oversharing personal information and/or stories in conversations with others, one often feels shame, regret, or anger at oneself for “blabbering” again. It can also potentially harm the relationship and/or hurt the other person.
It’s like jumping into the sea cannonball style next to someone who wants to slowly wade into the shallow water.
Here are some tips on how you can master this:
1. Define personal boundaries
When you clearly define with yourself which information you want to share and which you don’t want to share with others, it will be easier for you to stick to those boundaries when entering the next conversation.
2. Regulate impulsiveness through the “think before you speak” method
If you skipped step number 1, at least count to 3 before sharing something intimate from your life. No one expects you to respond immediately or to jump into the conversation at lightning speed.
3. Regularly write in a journal
By journaling, you practice having a conversation with yourself and release some of the thoughts that swarm in your head throughout the day, as well as accumulated emotions that lead you to fall into the trap of oversharing.
4. Dramatic and/or communication workshops, public speaking school
In addition to being a fun social activity, they will teach you to better understand yourself, your body language, as well as recognize non-verbal cues that you might otherwise miss in others.
5. Reevaluate your relationships and have a clear boundary between friends and acquaintances.
Sometimes the trap of oversharing lies in putting friends and acquaintances into the same category. It’s okay for someone to earn your trust before you show up in all your vulnerability.
6. Redefine „small talk“
“Small talk” can be fun if you choose topics beyond the weather forecast. Small talk includes conversations about movies, TV shows, books, interesting concerts, and events. It’s a way to get to know another person’s interests and values better without sharing your darkest history.
7. Keep a success journal
A success journal is kept by recording daily big and small victories: Did you complete everything on your checklist? Did you make that call and schedule an appointment? Did you manage to get out of bed? This helps you develop the habit of self-praise and normalize supportive inner self-talk.
8. Psychotherapy
Are you ready to learn how to build healthy relationships with yourself and others by working on your personal boundaries, impulsiveness, and communication skills?
Reach out to me for 1-on-1 psychotherapy sessions here.
