How to support your inner child?

Many make the mistake of working on the inner child without addressing one key aspect, which is working on the inner parents.

Simply put, it’s the psychological moment when a child takes on the role of a parent to their own parents.

Sensitive, empathetic, and gifted children, as well as neurodivergent children, are particularly prone to parentification.

They are highly aware of the moods and emotions of people around them, taking on their burdens and vulnerabilities, even when no one asks them to.

This is a common occurrence with emotionally immature parents who expect their child to meet their emotional needs.

If a parent is trapped in a dysfunctional marriage and feels lonely and empty, the child unconsciously and unintentionally takes on the role of the emotional partner (“emotional incest”), with the parent seeking and receiving emotional support and understanding from them.

Children often feel responsible for their parents’ health and happiness later in life and struggle with guilt if they try to live their own lives, invest in other people and relationships, and build their own family.

Here are the causes of a wounded inner child

  • Divorce;
  • Immature, emotionally unavailable, or depressed parents;
  • The death of a parent or sibling;
  • Alcoholism or addiction of one or both parents;
  • Chronic illness or disability of one or both parents or siblings;
  • Mental illness of a parent or sibling;
  • Physical and/or psychological abusive relationships between parents;
  • Physical or sexual abuse of the child by a parent.

Such a child is praised for giving up their own childhood. They may become extraordinary parents when they grow up, but they cannot compensate for what was lost:

TO BE A CHILD.

The trend in recent years in the field of personal development has been focused on “listening,” “discovering,” “embracing” the inner child, and similar terms. However, one very important aspect has been overlooked.

I came to this realization myself through therapeutic work with children.

Namely, when a child first enters a new environment, no matter how objectively unsure the parent may be about it, at that moment, the child is the safest because—it’s what the child already knows.

A child cannot play if the parent is in a survival mode; instead, the child slips into a pattern of fulfilling the parent’s emotional needs.

A child can also overdo the play if the parent is uninterested and absent, and begin doing all sorts of silly things—to get noticed.

It’s the same in our lives.

A super fun and lovely “aunt” or “uncle” may appear in our lives, but until we get to know them well, we stick to old patterns, even if they are harmful.

Therefore, before the child within us can show its most creative, relaxed face and authenticity,

it first has to feel SAFE to show up and—play.

If I don’t have a safe, stable, consistent, warm, and emotionally available parent built within myself, our inner child will always remain hidden—waiting for new criticism or staying in a state of helplessness because it doesn’t make sense to ask, as attention is absent.

That’s why I’m bringing you the recording of the webinar: BUILD THE INNER PARENT – How to Support Your Inner Child.

Here’s what the previous participants of the webinar have said:

“The webinar was great when I listened to it, and it encouraged me to express what I need the other day, but also to stand behind one of my decisions. It was easier for me to say I’m quitting. I had been stuck in the role of the wounded child, and I needed to become aware of that. But anyway, it gave me the courage to do what I want sooner than I had planned and to further plan what I’ll do.”

“I liked the explanation of the types of parents in TA and how to recognize them, as well as how to work with a client based on which one is currently the strongest, and how to recognize which role we’re in at the moment. I realized that I reacted wrongly in a situation the other day because I reacted from the position of the wounded child, not the adult. This webinar made me aware of that, and then it was easier to return to the adult role.”

“I really like how you explain things very clearly, so even people ‘outside the field’ can understand. You give fun examples that really help make things clearer (even though I was already familiar with the topic, some things only became clear to me after your examples). The most useful part is that you gave us tools on HOW to make changes. The success journal is my favorite.”

Request the recording here

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