{"id":3133,"date":"2023-05-03T19:57:40","date_gmt":"2023-05-03T19:57:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lea.adriabox.com\/2023\/05\/03\/adhd-and-toxic-relationships\/"},"modified":"2025-01-09T22:17:47","modified_gmt":"2025-01-09T22:17:47","slug":"adhd-and-toxic-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/2023\/05\/03\/adhd-and-toxic-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"ADHD and toxic relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If you’re asking yourself, “Why do I keep getting into toxic relationships?” and you suspect or know that you have ADHD, keep reading.<\/p>\n\n

In working with clients, I’ve noticed a “secret connection” between toxic partners, particularly narcissistic personality disorder, and ADHD. <\/p>\n\n

Also, people with ADHD, especially women, often find themselves falling into toxic behavior patterns in relationships. <\/p>\n\n

Why is this the case?<\/p>\n\n

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Often, a person with ADHD has grown up with emotionally immature and\/or unavailable parents and thus didn’t have the space to learn healthy and supportive relationship models. Subconsciously, they may be drawn to people who remind them of the atmosphere of their “home.”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

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Toxic behavior patterns in adults with ADHD in relationships:<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n
    \n
  • Easily triggered<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Tendency toward addictions\/compulsions<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Sudden mood swings<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Often insist on time for themselves<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Prone to flirting and infidelity<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Impulsive reactions and spending<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Isolation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n
    <\/div>\n\n

    As you can see, some of these behaviors are also associated with personality disorders such as borderline, bipolar, or narcissistic personality disorder. <\/p>\n\n

    However, the underlying reasons for these patterns are different here. <\/p>\n\n

    <\/div>\n\n

    Additionally, when parents don’t recognize that their child has ADHD, they unintentionally send the message that the child is “strange,” “too much,” “over-sensitive,” or “careless.” This results in the adult not trusting themselves, their bodily signals, or intuition, making it harder for them to stand up for themselves, their boundaries, and their needs.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

    <\/div>\n\n
    Reasons you might fall into toxic relationships:<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n
      \n
    • Lack of personal boundaries (people-pleasing)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Lack of knowledge and poor processing of your own emotions<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Taking on others’ emotional states and moods<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Constant feeling of being overwhelmed<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Loud inner negative critic<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Distorted body image<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Fear of abandonment (anxiety)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    • Over-analyzing<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n
      <\/div>\n\n

      How to recognize if a behavior is a “red flag” or unregulated ADHD?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n
      <\/div>\n\n
      \u2022 Excessive attention and love-giving \u2013 “love bombing” or hyperfocus? <\/h6>\n\n

      “Love bombing<\/strong>” is a calculated manipulation to lure someone into a relationship.<\/p>\n\n

      Hyperfocus<\/strong> is a characteristic of individuals with ADHD who experience a huge dopamine reward when meeting someone new, different, and unfamiliar (“infatuation high”).<\/p>\n\n

      <\/div>\n\n
      \u2022 Excessive sharing of intimate details \u2013 “oversharing” or “trauma bonding”?<\/h6>\n\n

      People with ADHD, due to a lack of personal boundaries and impulsivity<\/strong>, tend to overshare their most intimate information.<\/p>\n\n

      “Trauma bonding<\/strong>” is a manipulation method where the manipulator discovers the person’s weak points and triggers, which they later use to cause feelings of guilt and shame in the victim.<\/p>\n\n

      <\/div>\n\n
      \u2022 Sudden outbursts of anger \u2013 sensory hypersensitivity or emotional immaturity?<\/h6>\n\n

      Both patterns stem from poor emotional self-regulation<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n

      However, with toxic people, part of the issue is also a power struggle through intimidation<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n

      <\/div>\n\n
      \u2022 Ghosting or forgetfulness?<\/h6>\n\n

      You know the saying “out of sight, out of mind”? Well, that\u2019s one of the characteristics of ADHD, where a person has difficulty maintaining relationships if they are not in direct contact<\/strong>. This is due to the phenomenon of “object permanence.” <\/p>\n\n

      Ghosting<\/strong>, on the other hand, is a passive-aggressive pattern of ending a relationship to avoid confrontation.<\/p>\n\n

      <\/div>\n\n
      \u2022 Impulsivity or gaslighting?<\/h6>\n\n

      “The tongue faster than the mind” is a good metaphor for what happens when a person with ADHD impulsively<\/strong> says something that unintentionally hurts someone else and often apologizes immediately or very quickly.<\/p>\n\n

      In gaslighting<\/strong>, there is no apology for their behavior or words, and all responsibility is shifted onto the other person.<\/p>\n\n

      <\/div>\n\n
      Being late and procrastinating until the last minute \u2013 poor time management or disrespect?<\/h6>\n\n

      “Fighting with time” is a life theme for people with ADHD and is often misunderstood personally. A test would be saying the meeting is at 8:00 PM, and you show up at 8:15. The person with ADHD will likely arrive “on time” \u2013 but with a 15-minute delay. <\/p>\n\n

      Procrastination is linked to depleted “social batteries,” which is a topic for another post.<\/p>\n\n

      <\/div>\n\n

      For more, check out the recording of the free webinar on YouTube titled “How to Break Toxic Relationships and Attract a Quality Partner.”<\/p>\n\n

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