{"id":3127,"date":"2023-05-20T13:27:59","date_gmt":"2023-05-20T13:27:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lea.adriabox.com\/2023\/05\/20\/adhd-and-perfectionism-when-perfectionism-suffocates-you\/"},"modified":"2025-01-09T22:15:13","modified_gmt":"2025-01-09T22:15:13","slug":"adhd-and-perfectionism-when-perfectionism-suffocates-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/2023\/05\/20\/adhd-and-perfectionism-when-perfectionism-suffocates-you\/","title":{"rendered":"ADHD and Perfectionism: When Perfectionism “Suffocates” You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Perfectionism (lat. perficere = to complete) is described as “the tyranny of having to<\/strong> ” i.e. a person’s effort to fit into an idealized image of himself. <\/p>\n\n

The advantages include high standards, a desire to achieve one\u2019s potential, conscientiousness, productivity, and reliability, along with a healthy dose of self-criticism.<\/p>\n\n

<\/div>\n\n

How does it develop?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

It most often occurs at an early age in a family with one or both highly demanding perfectionist parents. <\/p>\n\n

Parents who have unrealistic and high expectations put pressure on their children, and they cope with this in various ways.<\/p>\n\n

Some children will succumb to the pressures, develop anxiety, and a strong desire to please the excessively demanding and emotionally distant parents.<\/p>\n\n

<\/div>\n\n
Parents ask for a lot, but they don’t give anything…that the child needs.<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n
<\/div>\n\n

They impose their own standards without taking into account the child’s needs and are prone to psychological control. <\/p>\n\n

This is how unhealthy perfectionists (people-pleasers<\/strong>) emerge.<\/p>\n\n

<\/div>\n\n

Perfectionism developed as a survival strategy in a highly demanding environment. Being perfect meant not being INVISIBLE. To belong. <\/p>\n\n

Rigidity helped maintain the illusion of control, stability of attitudes, personality, and behavior<\/em>. However, in adulthood, it roots us in place, with imposter syndrome, making it difficult to adapt and accept circumstances beyond our control.<\/strong> This is because your motivation is external (reward), and the reward<\/strong> (rest, self-love, praise) never arrive<\/strong>s.<\/p>\n\n

<\/div>\n\n
Then you don’t rejoice in success – because you never allow yourself to feel it.<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n
<\/div>\n\n

If you don’t look forward to success, all you can do is avoid failure,<\/strong> and your standards become so unattainable that the only way you can defend yourself is by procrastinating<\/strong> (missing deadlines, putting off obligations, not sleeping well, etc.).<\/p>\n\n

You set unrealistic expectations and become a slave to your own high, rigid standards. Not only toward yourself but also toward others. <\/p>\n\n

When you start expecting others to put in the same amount of effort and energy<\/strong> as you do into tasks that are personally important to you, you don’t ask for help when you need it. You hide just how many tasks and responsibilities you have so you don\u2019t appear weak or incapable<\/strong>. You feel angry because that person should offer help on their own, but you don\u2019t tell them how important it is to you<\/strong>; instead, you wait for them to figure it out from your efforts. <\/p>\n\n

If perfectionism is your imperative, you can start by learning to perfectly \u2013 accept. Yourself, others, and circumstances. Just as they are. <\/p>\n\n

Imperfect.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Just because you can do everything by yourself, doesn\u2019t mean you should. Asking for help is a sign of STRENGTH, not weakness. Don\u2019t assume that people know what you need, ASK. <\/p>\n\n

<\/p>\n\n

In what situations do you push yourself to “must” and “should”? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n

How does the departure from “perfect” make you feel?What feelings are you trying to escape from?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

<\/div>\n\n

Through optimism, flexibility, and openness,<\/strong> I teach you to find joy and meaning in different life experiences, not all of which are pleasant, and I help you soften your perfectionism. <\/p>\n\n

Schedule your therapy session here<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n

<\/p>\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Perfectionism (lat. perficere = to complete) is described as “the tyranny of having to ” i.e. a person’s effort to fit into an idealized image of himself. The advantages include high standards, a desire to achieve one\u2019s potential, conscientiousness, productivity, and reliability, along with a healthy dose of self-criticism. How does it develop? It most […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3334,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[66],"tags":[67,68,91,78,111,106],"class_list":["post-3127","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adhd-in-adults","tag-adhd-en","tag-adhd-in-adults","tag-adhd-therapist","tag-counseling","tag-people-pleaser-en","tag-perfectionism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3127","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3127"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3127\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3160,"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3127\/revisions\/3160"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3334"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3127"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3127"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/leaivanciczic.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3127"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}